Ruth Nemzoff Presents Her Work on Building Relationships with Your Adult Children at the Waltham Council on Aging

Ruth Nemzoff, Resident Scholar, WSRC speaking at Council on Aging, Waltham

Ruth Nemzoff,  Resident Scholar at WSRC and the author of Don’t Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships with Your Adult Children (Palgrave Macmillan 2008), presented her compelling work on building relationships with adult children at the Waltham Council on Aging. Approximately 15 seniors were in attendance on May 15th, attentive to the topic, asking many questions related to their own experiences, and even buying her book.

Ruth advocates not biting your tongue with adult children, although the common public myth is “keeping your mouth shut.” Our adult children need to know what we are thinking and feeling—without our badgering them. Relationships are ambiguous, and we need to develop some comfort with uncertainty or lack of clarity. And, communication is key—as it relates to such issues as weddings, grandparenting, and money. It’s not that we can say whatever we want whenever we want to; when we talk, what we say, and how we say it are crucial.

Some of her tips include:

• Listen to how you frame advice or questions so that they are not perceived as critical.
• Be honest, but with sensitivity.
• Be positive about what you love about your child.
• Invite communication so that you can discover what your child is thinking.
• Ask questions that encourage a response and are not perceived as criticism.
• Acknowledge that you could be wrong and that your child could be right.
• Don’t look for or expect perfection.

This presentation was the first of many planned by WSRC’s Waltham Committee for the Waltham Council on Aging. Our intention is provide enrichment to seniors at the CoA and in so doing offer a service to the wider community in which WSRC “lives.”

 

Visiting More than Words

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The Waltham Committee members were pleased to organize for Scholars at WSRC a visit to the store More than Words. Scholars have participated in continued book drives thereby supporting a local cause. The Committee members have developed strategic relationships with the store and we hope to take this further by increased collaborative programs.

More than Words is a unique store and a non-profit social enterprise that empowers youth who are either in foster care or court involved. We were met by Ananda who welcomed us and led us to Alex who was our tour guide.  Although he was a new member of the team he was confident that he would reach his goal – to get into a school and gain a degree in Nursing. With an action plan in mind he presently trains to manage the store in its retail business – which includes collecting books, sorting, cataloging, for both online and regular sales. He looked forward to managing the cafe like Dan – who as we learned aced the competition and was rewarded for his achievements. We were joined by Rickie who had met his goal and completed his GED last month. Both Rickie and Alex were open to our questions about the books that finally makes the store and its unique program to enable youth to get on track.

In addition we also met with Bobby Nasson who is the Business Development Manager and during our conversations we realized there were many areas where the Scholars could contribute that would be mutually beneficial. An example is organizing tours at WSRC during art exhibits. Some Scholars present offered to check local libraries in their towns as further resources for book donations. We thank the More than Words team for hosting our group from WSRC and hope to develop collaborative projects together.

Drums and Poems

Committee member and Visiting Scholar Georgia Sassen is also the Executive Director of Building Resilience in Kids, whose tag line is We’re building the village it takes to raise a child.™ As  a clinical psychologist she values prevention as much as treatment, so she is leading a project which helps children develop resilience by learning to build strong relationships. Currently she is leading the project, Drums and Poems, at the Plympton Elementary School.

Georgia Sassen with students at Plympton School, Waltham, MA

Georgia and her Student Scholar Partners have just finished presenting a free, fourteen week after school program at Plympton School on Bacon St in Waltham. Drums and Poems uses DRUMMING AND JAMMING as a literacy-building tool. “How do they connect drumming and poetry writing?” you might ask. “Poems are based on rhythms. They add words instead of melody to a rhythm.” Georgia says. “So in our activity, third grade children start with rhythm and find themselves building poems. Because they make the poems together, they also build COOPERATION skills, and relationships. Using homemade drums, the children work in teams: one team creates a rhythm and the other writes lines to go with it. Or, they make up poems in small groups and then read them together in the large group out loud. Then they drum the rhythm as they read the poem.”

For more information contact Georgia Sassen, Ph.D., Women’s Studies Research Center, at Brandeis. gsassen@brandeis.edu.

A tea party (not that one!) in Waltham

“Mizz Jennifer Rose requests

the pleasure of your company
at her annual
International Women’s Day tea party
Feel free to bring a bit of women’s culture–
an heirloom, a story, a heroine
White gloves optional

March 11, 2012

2.00 pm – 5 pm”

Jennifer Rose’s annual tea party was held at her Waltham home on March 11, 2011. The evite included more than 200 women – out of which an amazing number showed up to mark International Women’s day locally. The Waltham Committee was represented by member Rajashree Ghosh who was very happy to have received the invitation. She had reached out to Jennifer some years ago in the hopes of making connections with the local community. Jennifer is a passionate Walthamite. Her work as a city planner entails marketing, promotion, organizational and technical expertise to downtowns and small businesses. What is more, she is a wonderful communicator, an activist and a poet and no wonder that she draws such a crowd!

Jennifer has been instrumental in developing the Waltham Concerned Citizens  – an organization which has been the voice for peace and justice and which also gave birth to several other community initiatives such as the Waltham Alliance To Create Housing, the farmers market to revitalize local produce and create a gathering place. Click here for a write up to learn more about her work.

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Local women from all walks of life attended the tea party bringing with them not just their symbolic heirloom but as they introduced themselves they expressed their connection to Waltham and to Jennifer’s efforts. Some women present had attended all the 30 annual tea parties that Jennifer had organized so there was a lot of camaraderie and the unspoken yet overt sense of belonging and togetherness. Women who were musicians, film makers, artists, city planners, writers, editors, community activists, lawyers, business owners came together to mark a day to celebrate themselves, their achievements, remember those that passed on and extended support to those that need a leaning shoulder. A wonderful local resource that keeps on going and giving.

Our Partnership with the Waltham Council on Aging

Committee member Jennifer Coplon has led us on a new initiative with the Waltham Council on Aging (CoA). CoA, primarily funded by the State Executive Office of Elder Affairs, serves the aging population of Waltham who are 60+.  Of the 10,000 people in this age group, 2,000 participate at CoA in a wide range of services and activities.  All services, including a daily medical van, a bus for local shopping twice and week, and discounted taxi vouchers, are available to all seniors in the city. Meals on Wheels serves 100 income-eligible seniors, who have meals cooked and delivered daily by 150 volunteers.  Although there are many courses, card games, craft groups, and programs from which to choose, a priority of the CoA is fitness so that the lives of elders can be improved physically, mentally and emotionally.

Letter from Mary Beth Duffy, Director, CoA

Twenty-four WSRC Scholars and staff contributed to our 2011 holiday donation of $200, which made possible supplemental groceries for the residents most in need of support. We want to build on this partnership through Marybeth Duffy, the CoA’s Executive Director, who is eager to work with us. Given the talents of the Scholars and the needs of the Council, we can make a difference in the community where WSRC makes a difference for us.

In February of 2012, Marybeth Duffy visited WSRC.

Marybeth Duffy, Executive Director, CoA, Waltham and Jennifer Coplon, Visiting Scholar, WSRC

She shared with members of the Waltham Committee literature on the varied ways CoA serves the senior population of Waltham and how may the Committee lead WSRC to collaborate and address and meet the needs of the local community.  Some ideas were to organize talks around topics such as inter-generational dynamics, developing  oral histories, issues of bereavement, film screening and discussion, book reading by Scholars who have recently published books. As a next step, a proposal will be submitted to CoA for their comments and approval. We look forward to a mutually beneficial partnership.

Connecting with Brandeis

Rajashree Ghosh (standing 5th from R, in green) with Khalida Smalls, ACE and Brandeis students

Committee member  Rajashree Ghosh who is also a  Resident Scholar at WSRC was invited by Brandeis faculty member Laura Goldin on a field visit to Alternatives for Community and Environment (ACE)  along with her students.  The students  are engaged in the Justice Brandeis Semester (JBS) in an immersive academic program that provides opportunities to explore a thematic topic through inquiry-based courses linked to real-world experiential prospects. JBS represents the distinctive elements of a Brandeis education that include the intense intellectual engagement students share with our cutting-edge faculty; the rich experiential learning opportunities students encounter in  research labs, work settings and the community; and the university’s longstanding commitment to global engagement and social justice. All of these elements are embodied in the new Justice Brandeis Semester.

A green area developed by ACE along with members of the community

  Rajashree was fortunate to have participated in this JBS experience in visiting the project areas covered by this organization.  ACE’s mission has been to strengthen communities of color and lower income communities in New England to eradicate environmental racism and classism and achieve environmental justice.  ACE is bringing about systemic changes whereby the disenfranchised and undeserved communities are given voice to demand and achieve their right to a healthy environment. Some of the accomplishments have been combating particulate pollution from diesel buses in Roxbury  by negotiating with MBTA and work with residents to bring more awareness to these issues.

Contested MBTA site

Post visit, Rajashree presented her WSRC project to the students titled “Women and Urban Environment in India.” This was an opportunity for the students to gain a glimpse of international development efforts to make a difference in increased gender participation in social change. A comparison was inevitable with with what they had experienced in Roxbury, MA.  Some of the students had visited India in the past and were quick to make the assessment of development programs that could make systemic changes in the way ACE had managed but also expressed their concern about the lack of accountability and opportunities in countries that are less developed.

Laura Goldin stated in an email ” You were fabulous  Rajashree– I can’t tell you how much the students appreciated the appreciated the presentation, and how valuable it was in contributing to their understanding (and to mine! )…..And thank you so much as always for your generosity in sharing your work, and the outstanding talk and discussion.”

It is hoped that in Spring’12 this class might visit WSRC and present some of the narratives related to environment and social justice through their field visits. This would  help take the Waltham committee’s engagement with Brandies even further.

Engaging with “More than Words”

The members of the Waltham Committee over the past few years developed a unique relationship with More than Words that looks promising in so far as outreach activities for WSRC is concerned.  In meeting their needs,  Committee member Rajashree Ghosh organized several successful book drives.  For the enthusiastic Scholars at WSRC this was an opportunity to contribute books to a worthy cause.  What better way to support a local initiative that  empowers youth who are in the foster care system, court involved, homeless, or out of school to take charge of their lives by taking charge of a business!

The Committee continues to work with key individuals at More than Words. We thank Bobby Nasson, Business Development Manager for following up on each book drive and organizing quick pick ups. We certainly wish to thank the youth who prepared the box for contributions. On March 22 Bobby wrote ,

“Thanks a ton for all the donations today.

Your group always donates

such great quality books — the kids were pretty happy pulling them

out of the van.”

The Waltham Committee continues their conversation with Jennifer Stewart and Sharon Small at More than Words. In the near future we hope to participate in their “Author Series” where  WSRC Scholars can get an opportunity to showcase their work at the store.  More collaborative initiatives will follow as we work our way through the next few months.